‘It’s not you, it’s me’ is the gist of college student qualms with dating apps. Hook-up culture declines while young people search for genuine connection.

‘It’s not you, it’s me’ is the gist of college student qualms with dating apps. Hook-up culture declines while young people search for genuine connection.

  • girltwink@lemmy.worldEnglish
    353·
    2 years ago

    I’ve found several long term relationships off tinder as a WLW. It seems to work pretty well for me. The system doesn’t seem to be working for guys, and that’s unfortunate. But a lot of the pressure on women to settle for any man has gone away as women have become more self reliant. The whole thing has become far more consensual and less mandatory for survival. That’s going to influence men’s dating success no matter what medium people use to find matches.

      • girltwink@lemmy.worldEnglish
        24·
        2 years ago

        This is ultimately a big part of it, and it’s universal, not just in dating. Most friendships are “friendships of convenience” and the other types of relationships typically progress from there. But in western culture, we don’t have any third places, and so we just plain don’t make friendships of convenience anymore.

        • FraidyBear@lemmy.worldEnglish
          15·
          2 years ago

          I obviously I can’t speak for the OP you are questioning but I’m also on that demi spectrum, if you want my two cents.

          It’s not that I can’t see that someone is attractive, it’s just that I don’t find them sexually attractive. I’m sure there are a lot of het men that would agree that Timothée Chalamet or Chris Evans are very attractive and handsome men but that doesn’t mean that they want to have sex with them. It’s not like people go around looking at beautiful art or gorgeous sunsets and think “man, I’d really like to fuck that” lol

          I believe they also mentioned that they didn’t find them interesting, not that they found them unattractive. I have the same issue. When these apps are set up for looks first no one really bothers to sound overly interesting, they just want to come off as fuckable and not a murder.

          • clearleaf@lemmy.worldEnglish
            1·
            2 years ago

            I think I might also be demi and I don’t know what to go after with these apps. I try to talk to anyone who doesn’t look like a serial killer but it feels like I’m supposed to make a sexual impression of some kind to get them interested in talking to me. So if it’s an app where you swipe I’m basically swiping yes on everybody and I’m completely rudderless.

            There are some dating apps/services that don’t use images until you’ve agreed to like each other but I live in Canada and the nearest other users are either from Europe or South America (the continent) on all of them.