EDIT: Thank you all for your swift and heartwarming responses! 🩵
Background \ 37 years old, Sweden. I had a partner for eight years, married for four, before we amicably parted ways. After the breakup in 2021, I have been all alone. I barely have any friends. Severe depression set in two years ago, leading to long term sick leave from work. Antidepressants make me able to at least not stay catatonic in bed and two years of intense psychodynamic therapy has given me a lot of insights about my detrimental thought patterns.
Present situation \ I am a social person. I love people. I used to be everywhere, up in everybody’s business. Now, I fear new human contact. The loneliness is killing me. I am also a very physical and intimate person, but I have no idea how to make new friends or approach people. I cannot use dating apps. There is no way I could put my face “out there”, thinking that somebody would “swipe” at it or whatever.
What I have tried \ Sometimes, maybe once or twice a year, I muster the courage to ask people out as I’m sitting in a coffeeshop or the likes, but that’s it. The workplace is off limits. Tried making friends there. In six years, I finally made one, although most of the time I’ve just been frowned upon. The loneliness fuels my self loathing like crazy.
Question \ Please share any advice on how to pop this bubble of isolation. Please don’t tell me how hopeless it is not to go online.
Do you have days where your mental health is better than the norm? What do you do on those days, and is it possible that you could integrate a social element into it? Even something as simple as reading can be a social thing if you were to join a book club or something fairly laid back like that.
In your shoes, where I’d start, is looking up your neighborhood group on NextDoor or Facebook or something like that (not sure what the facsimile would be in Sweden, but I’m guessing there’s something like that online where your neighbors gather to share information.) and just asking your neighbors if there are any groups, or events, or clubs and finding out what’s in the area. Another option is your local library, which probably has a number of activities and clubs.
Another exercise you can try is just taking a regular walk around your neighborhood, two, three, or four times a day, and challenge yourself to speak to someone you don’t know every time. It can be as simple as a greeting or asking for the time, or you can tell them they have a cool hat or outfit, or just a brief exchange about the weather, but those little tiny gestures can help you to open back up and develop a better comfort level with personal interactions. And that can help you become more comfortable being social again.
Thank you so much for all the advice! The one about talking to people in the streets seems really nice! 🥰 I will also look into book clubs. What if I found other Tolkien fans. 😆