EDIT: Thank you all for your swift and heartwarming responses! 🩵
Background \ 37 years old, Sweden. I had a partner for eight years, married for four, before we amicably parted ways. After the breakup in 2021, I have been all alone. I barely have any friends. Severe depression set in two years ago, leading to long term sick leave from work. Antidepressants make me able to at least not stay catatonic in bed and two years of intense psychodynamic therapy has given me a lot of insights about my detrimental thought patterns.
Present situation \ I am a social person. I love people. I used to be everywhere, up in everybody’s business. Now, I fear new human contact. The loneliness is killing me. I am also a very physical and intimate person, but I have no idea how to make new friends or approach people. I cannot use dating apps. There is no way I could put my face “out there”, thinking that somebody would “swipe” at it or whatever.
What I have tried \ Sometimes, maybe once or twice a year, I muster the courage to ask people out as I’m sitting in a coffeeshop or the likes, but that’s it. The workplace is off limits. Tried making friends there. In six years, I finally made one, although most of the time I’ve just been frowned upon. The loneliness fuels my self loathing like crazy.
Question \ Please share any advice on how to pop this bubble of isolation. Please don’t tell me how hopeless it is not to go online.
I’m an atheist with very bad PTSD from spending 6 months in ICU and having a near death experience while getting a double lung transplant. I dont necessarily struggle with depression the way you do but my PTSD tells me to isolate and I fell in deep. I ended up joining a universalist Unitarian church, again, I’m an atheist but UU isn’t about religion, its about community and service and everyone there is default nice and practices “radical hospitality” - it’s not necessarily a place to ask people out but just a way to dip your toes back into life safely, I think jumping to asking people out is probably part of the issue for you, that’s HUGE and small social steps are what’s needed.
Joining a positive real life community has done wonders for my isolation and UU churches are global, it’s historical covenant is “Love is the spirit of this church, and service is its law. This is our great covenant: to dwell together in peace, to seek the truth in freedom, and to help one another.” might be worth looking into
Thank you for sharing this tough but even so heartwarming experience! And I’m glad you are with us still! 🩵 Since community seems to be the main takeaway, I will look into it. 😊