EDIT: Thank you all for your swift and heartwarming responses! 🩵
Background \ 37 years old, Sweden. I had a partner for eight years, married for four, before we amicably parted ways. After the breakup in 2021, I have been all alone. I barely have any friends. Severe depression set in two years ago, leading to long term sick leave from work. Antidepressants make me able to at least not stay catatonic in bed and two years of intense psychodynamic therapy has given me a lot of insights about my detrimental thought patterns.
Present situation \ I am a social person. I love people. I used to be everywhere, up in everybody’s business. Now, I fear new human contact. The loneliness is killing me. I am also a very physical and intimate person, but I have no idea how to make new friends or approach people. I cannot use dating apps. There is no way I could put my face “out there”, thinking that somebody would “swipe” at it or whatever.
What I have tried \ Sometimes, maybe once or twice a year, I muster the courage to ask people out as I’m sitting in a coffeeshop or the likes, but that’s it. The workplace is off limits. Tried making friends there. In six years, I finally made one, although most of the time I’ve just been frowned upon. The loneliness fuels my self loathing like crazy.
Question \ Please share any advice on how to pop this bubble of isolation. Please don’t tell me how hopeless it is not to go online.
Like others have said, it sounds like you need to get out there and do stuff with other people.
If you want to look for these things online, I’d recommend looking at your kommun’s website. They generally have a collection of clubs and events. You’ll typically find the category for it somewhere on the frontpage, under a title like “Se och göra”, “Kultur och fritid”, “Evenemang”, or “Uppleva och göra.”
In the five different kommuner I’ve lived, every single one has had a detailed website with events. Highly recommend browsing it in general to get a good feel for things.
I’d personally recommend Folkhögskolor. If there is one locally I’d definitely recommend checking up on them. I did some gymnasium completion at a Folkhögskola, and in addition to allmäna kurser (gymnasie), they also have särskilda kurser. My local one has leatherworking, music, and mending, among others. Folkhögskolor also tend to be cultural hotspots; we had a recurring “culture cafe” at ours, with stand up, concerts, theatre, and various other things going on.
Generally a course at a folkhögskola is just for materials.
If you’re a more outdoorsy/sporty person, check the local sporthall or friluftsområden. I’ve an exercise trail nearby I bring my dog by every day, and there’s a bulletin board with various outdoor activities and events. My local arena has various classes, and they often have free trials. I did kung-fu for a while, and that was great fun.