I’ve always made up a person to fit in. Masking has taken a toll and I hate the person I’ve pretended to be. That person is boring, polished, and an over achiever. Since.I was punished severely on a daily basis at 4 years old and afterwards, my true self never was known to me. Only my self who could survive.
Where do we find our unmasked real self after reaching “the big one” burnout? When your braim stops working, you’re no longer functional, and the person you made can no longer be sustained, what do you do?
I’m in my 40s and it’s rough.
That’s less about ADHD than trauma, though the first often begets the other. I’m on the same boat. A trauma focused therapist has helped me.
Forgiving myself, allowing myself to suck at something, to not be perfect, were my starting points. I haven’t got to know myself yet, but some of me seems to be shining through the cracks I’m growing on my masks.
The feeling of a wasted life is a recurring one. A whole lot of could have beens. I’m suppose to mourn it and let go instead of lamenting it. I’m not there yet.
I do recommend you find a good therapist. Professional help is a must. Good luck.
Hoping one will return my call.