I bet this sounds like a stupid question - especially coming from a man. However, NoStupidQuestions doesn’t allow NSFW topics, so here I am - bear with me.

I genuinely don’t know what this feels like from the inside. I see so many men go to extreme lengths to chase women - sometimes even risking their careers or relationships just to get laid. Some are literally willing to pay for it. I don’t get it. What does that pull actually feel like?

I’m not judging - I’m trying to understand. I only know what it looks like from the outside, but I have no idea what it’s like on the inside. I’ve had sex multiple times, and it’s fine, but it seems vastly overrated to me. Clearly, I’m not getting out of it what most other men are, so I’m trying to understand the baseline experience.

My motivation for asking is that I’m working on myself and hoping that, eventually, I’ll be able to feel even a fraction of that same pull. However, with things like lifting weights, I at least have a clear image in mind of what I’m working toward - but it’s harder to define that when it comes to subjective experiences.

  • Perspectivist@feddit.ukOP
    2·
    1 day ago

    I was in an open relationship with my ex, and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not for me. I understand that polyamory isn’t the same thing, but honestly, I think that would be even worse. I can handle the idea of her having sex with other guys - but the thought of her having romantic feelings for them is something I just can’t bear. I’m done with that kind of setup.

    Right now, I’m focusing on dealing with my porn (and weed) addiction to see if quitting those changes anything. I’m also open to the idea of dating another guy - something I haven’t tried yet. But if neither of those things works out, and I can’t find a partner who’s okay with very little or no sex, then I guess that’s just the end of dating for me.

    • psycotica0@lemmy.ca
      1·
      10 hours ago

      Fully understandable… almost. I’ll admit I’m a little confused to hear there’s a porn addiction in the mix. Not in a judgement kinda way, porn can be fine for some people, but I don’t normally associate heavy porn usage with low-libido?

      Again, neither is inherently wrong, I’m just surprised and wonder if maybe I misread the situation, you know?

      • Perspectivist@feddit.ukOP
        1·
        6 hours ago

        Here’s what I responded to other user about this:

        Porn and masturbation feel good. It’s the physical stimulation I’m addicted to - porn just amplifies it. You can even take it further with porn, drugs, and masturbation combined. It’s not about having an itch that I’m trying to get rid of; it’s about the sensation of scratching it that I crave. I start watching porn and masturbating first, and only then does the feeling of “horniness” follow. The idea of walking around with that itch - without having first triggered it through stimulation - is completely foreign to me. And honestly, I don’t need anyone else to scratch it for me - I’m better at it myself.

        Here’s the full exhange incase you’re interested