I know opinions on this vary a lot depending on the country and culture, so I’m curious what others think. Personally, I have a 22-year-old son. I bought him a house and a car, I pay for his university tuition (his grades are high enough for a state-subsidized spot, but we feel that should go to someone more in need), and I basically support him fully. We want him to focus on his studies and enjoy this stage of his life. He will finish his dentistry degree in 2028, and then we plan to finance the opening of his private practice. We’ll stop providing financial support once he’s earning enough to live comfortably on his own. I see many parents online (especially in North America) talking about kids moving out at 18, paying rent to live at home, and covering their own bills, and it honestly shocks me. That feels unfathomable to me. I believe that as parents, we have a duty to give our children a good life since we brought them into this world.
I think it really depends on your financial position. If you have the financial means to make your kids’ lives easier, especially if that means paying for things that will allow them to provide better for themselves and their children later on, I would say that’s a good/kind thing to do. However, if you’re just paying for them to live nice lives at the cost of them learning how to provide for themselves, I would say you’re actually doing them a disservice.
If you don’t have the financial means to provide for them to further extent, I would say it’s entirely reasonable to say, “I got you as far as I could, now you have to take responsibility for your own life as best you can, because I have myself to look after.”
I think the complex parts of the issue actually come up when parents retire and can’t provide for themselves anymore. To what extent are children beholden to their parents to provide for themselves anymore in their senior years? I do think it’s moral for children to care for their parents this way, but if your children aren’t willing to do so, I would certainly ask how you didn’t foster a strong enough relationship with them that they feel so little compassion. Plenty of parents out there provide for their children financially but neglect the actual relationship, such that their children don’t actually care that much about them as adults and don’t feel the need to care for them in their old age.
There a lot more that could be said about this but I think this post is long enough.