I’m in my early 30s, so not necessarily “mid-life”, but I think what I have been experiencing can be described this way. I went through a lot this past year, and it has both left some large scars as well as healed some other aspects and caused new ways of thinking in others. I’ve tried new things and enjoyed the things that I’ve tried.
But I feel like I need something “more”, but I have no idea what that is. I keep getting caught on the horrifying realization of life being fleeting and I want to do something to make it more whole. But I can’t outrun death so I don’t know that anything is left to be done. But I feel like I need something to fill that space. I may in fact be chasing something that doesn’t exist idk.
I guess I just feel a bit lost and would appreciate some direction.
More about me that may or may not influence your advice: I’ve always been a loner and the sort of “terminally online” type. I don’t experience sexual attraction, so it sort of puts most options of relationships out the window. Asexual “dating” is not as prevalent or simple as you’d think. My career is very solid and I’m paid very well, so I’m not interested in switching careers. My career was a huge source of my trauma this past year, but I have made a lot of progress since and it’s really not something I can easily change. I have discovered new and healthier forms of self-expression and have done new things. I own where I live and would not be able to sell it for as much as I paid for it either, which is another reason I’d be against moving. I am physically close-ish to family and visit every couple of weeks.
Thanks all for listening.
I feel like a lot of people too through the “rediscovery of ones self” in their 30s. Because I sure did. I absolutely understand the feeling you’re trying to explain. Like you know there’s something but you don’t know what it is or how to begin the process to find it.
Honestly, keep discovering yourself. I saw your comment that you learned to ride a motorcycle. Keep trying things you wouldn’t normally try. Some you’ll hate, some you’ll love.
Start making friends too. I’m sure you have some friends but reading what you wrote you’re giving the “friend who’s always invited but never shows up to events” vibe. Start going to things, talking to people you wouldn’t normally talk to. It’s possible that whatever you’re looking for, is just waiting for you to actually look.
I would say that was a fairly accurate description of me growing up lol. But as an adult, I don’t tend to have people inviting me places much anymore.
Then those few who existed in person were involved in my traumatic experience last year, so there was a bit of a rupture and it’s hard to feel safe around said people again.
I tried to turn some of my online friends into in person friends instead, but logistically, it ended up too complicated for me. The closest I found on a particular sort of website for meeting up was nearly 3 hours away. We made it work some of the time, but God, it was just too exhausting for the both of us to continue to make it work, so we stopped seeing each other.
Really, I need to find a more local community of people I get on with is what it might be. But I’m having trouble with that too. I started taking dance classes as well and have been enjoying them, but the classes themselves are not particularly social, despite having a bunch of us physically together.
Sorry for my pointless ramble lol. I am wordy online. I appreciate all of the comments here!