I’m in my early 30s, so not necessarily “mid-life”, but I think what I have been experiencing can be described this way. I went through a lot this past year, and it has both left some large scars as well as healed some other aspects and caused new ways of thinking in others. I’ve tried new things and enjoyed the things that I’ve tried.

But I feel like I need something “more”, but I have no idea what that is. I keep getting caught on the horrifying realization of life being fleeting and I want to do something to make it more whole. But I can’t outrun death so I don’t know that anything is left to be done. But I feel like I need something to fill that space. I may in fact be chasing something that doesn’t exist idk.

I guess I just feel a bit lost and would appreciate some direction.

More about me that may or may not influence your advice: I’ve always been a loner and the sort of “terminally online” type. I don’t experience sexual attraction, so it sort of puts most options of relationships out the window. Asexual “dating” is not as prevalent or simple as you’d think. My career is very solid and I’m paid very well, so I’m not interested in switching careers. My career was a huge source of my trauma this past year, but I have made a lot of progress since and it’s really not something I can easily change. I have discovered new and healthier forms of self-expression and have done new things. I own where I live and would not be able to sell it for as much as I paid for it either, which is another reason I’d be against moving. I am physically close-ish to family and visit every couple of weeks.

Thanks all for listening.

  • ArbitraryValue@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
    3·
    4 days ago

    I did ketamine therapy and the experience helped me see existence from a new perspective that would not have otherwise been accessible. It doesn’t work that way for everyone but it’s worth trying once IMO.

    • dingus@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
      2·
      4 days ago

      Interesting. I have heard vaguely of the concept, but I have no idea what it entails. I can’t say I’m personally too interested in trying it myself, but I’m interested to hear how it went for you. Care to give a brief overview of your experience?

      • ArbitraryValue@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
        3·
        4 days ago

        Do you know the parable of the man who dreamt he was a butterfly who dreamt he was a man? During my first ketamine experience I felt like I had woken up from reality into a world where I was no longer forced to interpret sensory experience as anything except beautiful, purely abstract patterns. Even my own thoughts stopped being words and started being sounds that felt like they followed naturally after other sounds. This seems like it could have been scary but it was actually completely peaceful, and boredom no longer existed so I think I could have enjoyed it forever. Then the constraints of reality gradually reasserted themselves as the ketamine wore off. Experiencing something so alien has changed how I feel about the “human experience,” so to speak, because now I’ve seen it from outside.

        (Note that what you experience will depend on the dose, your state of mind, and how your own brain works. My friend who also did the therapy reports a much less abstract mental world than what I saw.)

        • gandalf_der_13te@feddit.orgEnglish
          2·
          3 days ago

          Experiencing something so alien has changed how I feel about the “human experience,” so to speak, because now I’ve seen it from outside.

          i’d rather argue that now, you’ve seen it from the inside. deeper inside than you usually go.