I’m starting to believe against the idea. Movies, Shows and even Anime would have you believe that friendships still are friendships despite how long its been since the last time you hung with them. Real cases also support this. But then there’s other cases where it’s just not always the case.
I don’t like the idea of wasting time in that fashion, when it comes to friendships. There are things that happen to us to where it can’t help but to happen. Things like being in the military, getting involved in illegal activities, having terminal illnesses, being in prison/jail, being dead or similar scenarios. These are things that just happen in life and we have to come to accept that.
I lived with an ex-roommate who has told me that he has friends he considered friends, even if they haven’t talked in years. That concept is just weird to me and it always will be. How can you call yourselves friends when so much time has passed without so much of a peep? I’ve found from my experience that, things like this tends to make me feel a lot more lonelier and isolated.
I can’t help but think of all of the years that have gone by me, where nobody has asked me to play a game with them, nobody has had deep-welled discussions with me, nobody has arranged plans with me .etc And I’m supposed to accept this kind of practice?
And trying to compile all of the events when you do reconnect with someone, is just exhausting in of itself. Yeah, lets say you get back with someone after 10 years and all that they tell you after asking them as to what’s been going on, they respond with “Nothing much”. Nothing much? In 10 years, nothing much? I call bullshit.
I’m not trying to pitch the idea that people should contact eachother every second of every day. It’s bad enough we have people who believe that going no-contact in a week = friendship over and woe is me, I’ve been ghosted. I try being lenient to friends that I have. Just talk to me within the entire year. That’s it.
And if I still end up removing that friend, then it was probably evaluated based on whom outgrew the friendship more than whom.
I get people operate differently when it comes to friendships. But, I just can’t accept the practice of going so long without upkeep of friendship. That’s just simply pissing so much time away and pissing away any potential to make a friendship meaningful beyond surface level stuff or where the friendship was last meaningful, like in high school.
I don’t think “friends” works well as a binary yes/no. There are many different kinds of friends, Some people are like cacti and only need to be watered once a year. Other people are like… I’m not a gardener, but some other kind of plant that needs frequent watering. Some are weeds that will take over your entire home. This metaphor got away from me a little.
Personally, I follow a strategy of “when you have the energy, demonstrate the behavior you want to see.” So if you have the juice to handle an unsatisfying outcome, reach out to them like you’d want to be reached out to. Invite them to a party. Send them a funny meme. Whatever. They might flake. They might not respond. But you only do this when you can handle that disappointment. If someone’s been real flakey and you just can’t deal with it, you don’t have to go the extra mile for them.
Don’t forget the dude that’s like mint. You hung out once, and now you have a new massive extended friend circle against your will and your being dragged to events and parties.