How often do you think they’ve heard “you’ll be okay” and had it turn out false?
The fact that you’re willing to say things will be okay when you have no information to base that on makes you unreliable, and unsafe to be around when there is danger.
I’m in the same boat, too ND to work, plus I have one more disability. I’m only spared that fate because my husband saved me and takes care of me. I’m one bad day away from those kind of choices. Telling myself I’ll be ok is the only way I can calm down, I had hoped to do the same for you :(
I’m not OP but FWIW as someone who hasn’t necessarily had the most pleasant life and is ND I can try and add a little more context as to why that might not be comforting. Especially for someone that may be neurodivergent.
In short platitudes like that are basically just a secular statement of “thoughts and prayers”. It often seems like it is more for the speakers benefit so that that they don’t have to actually engage with the lived reality of the person they are talking to. I can’t speak for all neurodivergent people, but my mind works based on probabilities and evidence.
When someone says to me that they know I’ll find success after I open up about something that I have been struggling with for ten or twenty years, my immediate response (if I decide to ignore the social script) is to interrogate that statement. Where will I find success? When? Who do I need to talk to? Obviously they don’t actually know and telling me that is ultimately being dismissive of my experience. If they have genuine help they can offer there is rarely nothing more that I want, but it’s even more rare that anyone actually has either the ability or the willingness to help. In that situation I just want them to recognize and acknowledge my existence and to sit with and share that discomfort.
TL;DR If you can’t actually help, just witness them.
It’s the only thing that calms me down when I think about it and get into spirals. I was pretty severely neglected as a child and my husband is the other kind of neurodivergent, not great at comforting and support. My stupid stunted attempts at comfort are from that. I feel terrible that I made that person upset. I really need to remember that I’m not good at this before I try to comfort people.
You won’t end up like that, you’ll be ok
How often do you think they’ve heard “you’ll be okay” and had it turn out false?
The fact that you’re willing to say things will be okay when you have no information to base that on makes you unreliable, and unsafe to be around when there is danger.
I’m saying it as an attempt to comfort, I’m sorry that it didn’t come off that way.
You’re good, you were just worried about me. I get it.
I’m in the same boat, too ND to work, plus I have one more disability. I’m only spared that fate because my husband saved me and takes care of me. I’m one bad day away from those kind of choices. Telling myself I’ll be ok is the only way I can calm down, I had hoped to do the same for you :(
I have diabetes too. Type 1. I have an insulin pump and I have to monitor all the carbs I eat.
Unfortunately, I don’t think there’s anyone who will help me. I’ve gotta keep going anyway with zero social support if I’m gonna survive.
If there’s anything I can do to help, let me know. Even if it’s just to talk.
I’m not OP but FWIW as someone who hasn’t necessarily had the most pleasant life and is ND I can try and add a little more context as to why that might not be comforting. Especially for someone that may be neurodivergent.
In short platitudes like that are basically just a secular statement of “thoughts and prayers”. It often seems like it is more for the speakers benefit so that that they don’t have to actually engage with the lived reality of the person they are talking to. I can’t speak for all neurodivergent people, but my mind works based on probabilities and evidence.
When someone says to me that they know I’ll find success after I open up about something that I have been struggling with for ten or twenty years, my immediate response (if I decide to ignore the social script) is to interrogate that statement. Where will I find success? When? Who do I need to talk to? Obviously they don’t actually know and telling me that is ultimately being dismissive of my experience. If they have genuine help they can offer there is rarely nothing more that I want, but it’s even more rare that anyone actually has either the ability or the willingness to help. In that situation I just want them to recognize and acknowledge my existence and to sit with and share that discomfort.
TL;DR If you can’t actually help, just witness them.
It’s the only thing that calms me down when I think about it and get into spirals. I was pretty severely neglected as a child and my husband is the other kind of neurodivergent, not great at comforting and support. My stupid stunted attempts at comfort are from that. I feel terrible that I made that person upset. I really need to remember that I’m not good at this before I try to comfort people.