Hayes Carll sings, in his American Dream song - “Nothing changes, even when it wants to” and that struck me pretty hard.

Older-

Emmylou Harris the whole Red Dirt Girl song, my goodness but particularly “she loved her brother, I remember back when he was fixin up a '49 Indian. He told her “little sister gonna ride the wind, up around the moon and back again.” Well he never got farther than Vietnam, I was standing there with her when the telegram come.”

@FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world my kids absolutely LOVE that Vincent song. It’s so good, straight through.

I have never tried to be feminine, and believe strongly that “womanly” is the sum total of what women are and do, we define it every day by being ourselves. “Feminine” to me is the things people would do to impersonate a woman, if an alien came to earth, for example, and was performing to try to be like a woman - the outward behaviors and paint and hair and all.

So no, and I think it’s nothing to fret over. I want to be myself and help define what womanhood is, not chase after some stereotype. I’ve never felt particularly feminine, but do feel very attached to being female bodied, enjoyed being pregnant, nursing, love having sex as a woman. Just don’t see any point to stereotypical “femininity” or “masculinity” those are unnecessary, and actively harmful in some cases.

Self care for me:

Yoga class with other people.

Going out for a Pokemon go walk

Making healthy food that I enjoy (not trying to be virtuous and not junk either - nourishing and delicious).

Having a drink on the porch - ONE drink - with my husband.

Going to bed when I get sleepy and getting up when I wake up.

Smell, no. Taste, yes. I don’t understand how something that stinks so much while cooking can taste so good but yes, I like fried eggs, boiled eggs, scrambled eggs, as long as they aren’t overcooked they are good.

Oh yes, with the leek!

Hobby? I’m on the wrong coast for it but would love to learn to surf. Pretty sure I don’t have time to get good at it. Music, I’d love to learn to play guitar or even to sing well. Not to perform. To be able to do it.

Lifestyle? Not sure, I think what I would change is stuff I can’t change without money or time I don’t have.

Give away 900 million dollars.

I agree with your premise though - too rich is just hoarding. There is no real lifestyle benefit.

The first time, I was 5’9" and 125lb when I got pregnant, so not like I had anywhere to hide it, but I worked until 6 months without telling anyone and that is when it became impossible to hide.

The subsequent times it happened faster, the belly was noticeable by 4 months or so, I could feel it before anyone else could tell in all cases.

I had a history teacher who was hugely fat - she warned us she would be out on maternity leave, we thought she meant later in the year but she was gone the next week, and when she came back, looked no different at all.

Yeah it’s crazy, when I was a teenager we had the lowest cost grocery markets in the US, corn was often 5 cents an ear on sale, maybe 20 cents regular price, watermelon you could buy on the roadside for $1, those are about 1.50 and 7.00 now and that’s pretty representative of the overall increase.

I’m counting everything that is consumed here, by humans (so including entertaining but not pets). Our total housing cost with electricity & insurance and taxes is really high here too (and is another thing that used to be cheap) , but again that housing is holding 5 people right now.

5 person household, all adults now, mostly physically active. Probably 4k a month all-in.

That includes some booze, not much eating out and is paid by all of us so average 800 / month per person, but not evenly spread, kids are more frugal and do meal prep for lunches and husband and I spend more, and feed all of us once a day at least. Not much junk food, buy ingredients not premade things and I do have a garden.

That sentence makes no sense. Figure out the amount you would need to eat and work out to MAINTAIN your desired weight and start doing that. Let it take however long it takes, then keep doing that to maintain, or tweak it to improve.

50lb in 2 months sounds dangerous as fuck. You could stop eating and probably lose that much, fuck up your metabolism, and immediately gain it back without even eating as much as you did before.

Oh my ex wanted me to cut his hair, but just pulled it over one shoulder and said cut it off. He wanted to see it cut, understand? No, neither did i. I said “no, it will be slanty because it’s all pulled to one side, let me cut it into a haircut.” He said no, it will be fine, just cut it. “It will be slanty!” He was getting mad, JUST CUT IT! Finally he just took scissors and cut it how he wanted. “Oh no, it’s all slanty!”

Mine don’t love this but sag paneer is heavenly, my kids would eat it by the bucket I think.

Ooh I love beans & rice. But we do eat other stuff, and I find the biggest $ savings comes from avoiding waste, not buying cheap ingredients.

My kids LOVE

Mapo Tofu (ground pork & tofu)

Bulgogi beef or pork with tofu

Cabbage in coconut curry with any protein - tofu, shrimp, chicken, or just veggies.

Rice bowls. This week we had one with chicken tenders, cabbage slaw (dressed in rice vinegar and sesame oil) wasabi carrots (dressed in wasabi and soy sauce), cauliflower (grown in garden, no seasoning), avocado. Sauce of mayo & Sriracha. But most variations they like - a rice, a meat, bunch of veg or sometimes even fruit, a sauce.

Breakfast for any meal, eggs, potatoes, refried beans, and some meat, with onion, cheese, avocado on the side.

Underwater welders, electrocution. You can imagine, all the risks of diving plus welding, plus combining electricity and water.

Seawall builders, the whole process is dangerous because of the water, they can drown or be hit by heavy construction materials.

I just always found it interesting that those were more risky than race car driving. Our highest individual claim actually was a landscaper hit by lightning, who died, but sadly, he did not die quickly, suffered in hospital for some days.

Most of them, I suppose. The list of jobs I could do well enough to be paid for is a shorter one than those I can’t.

I used to work at a payroll company and our highest workers’ comp rates were:

Underwater welders

Seawall builders

Race car drivers

In that order.

South Canada?

North Mexico?

It’s funny that the first two right now are 'stopped eating meat" and “stopped eating everything except meat”.

For me it is getting up when I wake up. No alarm. It wasn’t always possible but instead of getting up early to run or be virtuous in some way, I sleep until I wake (not late! Usually between 7-730), have a short but indulgent morning, only water until I get to work (by bicycle) then coffee and breakfast. I wish I had always been able to do this.

And MHT, so glad I tried it - I had no idea I had menopausal symptoms because I never had a hot flash. But the MHT knocked out the migraines I was having, the UTIs, my thinking is clearer, and even though it put a few pounds on me I’m still inside healthy weight. That success convinced me to be more intentional and interventional about aging - I thought all that longevity stuff was about living longer (because of the word) but mostly it’s about staying healthier and that feels physically good.

I was my mom’s oldest kid, she let me drive without a license to learn, as she was not familiar with the rules. Then I took a written test and driving test.

Drivers ed here was in the summers and my friend and I traveled in the summer instead, worked in the school year to make $ so that we could.

My kids, insurance cost is so high here now, they have to wait until they can pay that, I couldn’t handle a $1,000 increase in the monthly budget for two teen drivers at that time. The older ones learned after college, my younger ones got the learner permits and learned earlier, one at 15 (she is the only one who likes to drive my stick shift car) and the other at 17 (that one still has only learner permit, can drive well, but usually takes bus or bike to get around town).

I think the reason kids usually learn early here is because the bus system has been systematically underfunded for so long. It’s really hard to have a job without a car unless you are lucky and able to arrange everything close to your house. Which isn’t gonna happen if your parents live in the exurbs.