In today’s episode of “Cool Story, Bro”:

As have I.

The feud being Trump against the law.

Where does a 600 pound gorilla sit?

How else would one mass-produce gullible, uneducated voting cattle to exploit and fleece?

Turns out Epstein didn’t commit suicide after all: He just fell out of his notoriously unsecured cell window on the basement floor while the cameras were off.

“Fell out of window.”

“He was on the ground floor.”

“Fell out of window and face-planted twenty-six times.”

Countdown until Musk sues every single one of them for the crime, no treason of not giving him all their money.

But EA clearly know how to rake in money with the yearly version of SportsGame 2021 2022 2023 2024. They are expected to make just as much cash by releasing the exact same movie every year. Who knows, maybe they’ll add microtransactions.

Countdown until it turns out that everybody associated with any competition to Musk’s companies just so happens to be a criminal Trump siccs his DOJ after: 5… 4…

“Fuck that particular con, I have a president in my pocket now.”

Hey! HEY! That is a vile insinuation! They’d never do that and also they only suppress votes for the other party and those don’t count anyway, so what if they do it when it’s perfectly fine seeing how they could never win if they allowed the election to be run fairly, and in conclusion, voter suppression is great and everybody should do it (except for non-republicans).

Wait, what were we talking about again?

Which oune wold yo souggest?

At least they can finally admit that they are not a car company.

Eh, just throw them over your shoulder and you’re good to go.

Your mom.

Wait, that doesn’t make any sense.

Wait, it not masking any sense has never deterred anyone from making a your mom joke, so it’s fine after all.

Wait, that’s actually a pretty grim appraisal of the state of what is considered to be humorous.

In that case, I’ll go with my sweatpants instead, if I may.

“Of course it was cost-intensive to program an engine that will render every single eyelash at a resolution that will require the player to buy an additional graphics card for each eyelash concurrently on-screen, but now we only need twelve and a half billion people to buy, no, what am I saying, to pre-order and pre-pay the Ultra-Super-Deluxe-Collector’s Edition and we’ll start to turn a profit.”

• current AAA gaming

Potayto, potahto, all depends on which reality you choose to inhabit.

These are called schools and universities and whatnot.

“Mphhuhuhuhu, go on, eat it. It’s a traditional dish here.”