This is my daughter’s idea - blind date set up by her. I’ve been single since my divorce 2 years ago.
No. Most people don’t care about that age gap.
Though, if there’s a clear power imbalance in a way thats exploitative (in either direction), that could be a problem.
20 years is worthy of other conversations though. Considerations about genuineness, compatibility, and practicality do arise, but those are all personal and situational.
If you don’t feel comfortable, you don’t have to do it. But, being lonely is super toxic for us and I opine that your daughter’s heart is in the right place.
Two adults dating is not a problem
Creepy? No, probably not, but it does present some potential problems: You probably don’t have a whole lot of things in common at this point. You might not be particularly compatible with regard to your friend groups or your desires for your future. You are in a situation where it’s going to be difficult to get on the same level. These are not insurmountable obstacles, but they are potential obstacles.
That said, if you and she are both okay with it—and your daughter, who is clearly someone whose opinion you care about—then have a great time! Don’t have high expectations, but enjoy yourself and see what happens.
To some people yes, to many people no.
Just be respectful, kind and considerate. She’s an adult.
We’re going on a date tonight. Come what may.
Come what may.
I want to pretend this is spicy confident British tongue in cheek inuendo. 🤔
Just needs a comma. 😉
There’s only one person whose opinion on that matters, and she’s aged 30. And maybe your daughter too, but she set it up so that’s unlikely.
You can always find a bunch of weirdos on the internet who’ll be offended at you, no matter who you are or what you do, so it’s never a good idea to not do stuff just because of that.
If you’re worried if you ARE a creep then I’d suggest plugging “what it means to be a creep” or “what is a creep” into your favourite search engine and make sure your regular habits exclude whatever you find. Use several sources, not just the first you find, because not everything on the internet is true.
don’t sweat it. you’re both adults with life experience that is both greater than and equal to.
enjoy the date and be sure to be respectful and treat them as an equal. you can figure out who they are along the way 😉
Friend of mine was in a similar situation. One day she said something to him that made him realize he was literally the only person who cared about the age difference.
Age is just a number. Who cares.
FBI. OPEN UP.
I wouldn’t find it creepy, though I probably wouldn’t mask my surprise well if I heard about it. My parents are 18 years apart. There are some social differences but at some point, they must have liked each other enough. They also have differing interests. They’re free to do their own thing (my dad stays home my mom travels the world). But, they’re not a great match anymore (I have to believe they used to be). All of this has combined into a strenuous situation where my mom is planning for her retirement freedom while my dad is probably headed to some kind of assisted living because she’s not going to stay home as a servant. I hate to be a downer about a relationship that hasn’t even started, but I think it’s important to consider this aspect before things get serious
Past 30, age is less about biology and more sociology.
I’m a 49 year old male. But I’m divorced, no kids. Still living a bachelor life quite happily while most guys close to my age are married with the kids and coaching soccer on weekends in a minivan. As a result, my friend group almost exclusively skews younger because those are the people who are in the same stage of life as I am (regardless of biological age).
The same works for relationships. Past a certain point it doesn’t matter how old you are, as long as your sociological age is compatible. (Ie. Your way of life)
Edited to Add: The rule we always learned in highschool when we were stupid kids with nothing better to do is “half your age plus 7”
51 divided by 2 = 25.5 + 7 = 32.5.
So by highschool rules, you’re just a little bit outside the lines, but close enough that if you’re both attractive most people will ignore it.
the same stage of life as I am
I would say they are living the same type of life as you, not the same stage. Life doesn’t have stages once you’re an adult. There are just common activities, and nothing more.
Life definitely can have stages once you’re an adult. Relationships (married/divorced/remarried), family (babies/kids/teenagers/adults), work (entry level/senior/management/retirement). Think about if you’re on the other side of a big party than the other person; then you’re probably on different life stages. Not all of them are weird to date between, but most of them are weird to date across big differences.
These are not “stages”, these are just different activities. Lots of people don’t have kids, but this doesn’t make them at a lower “stage”. Not everyone wants to climb some kind of career ladder, nor does everyone respect those who do. Not everyone gets married, nor does everyone even care about marriage. People live differently – they do not progress through stages.
Just because not everyone goes through each one doesn’t mean they aren’t stages. Not everyone goes to high school, or doesn’t sleep through the night, or catches a ball thrown from a meter away, or has trouble with adolescent relationships; that doesn’t mean those aren’t stages.
“Stages” are entirely theoretical and hotly debated, and you shouldn’t think of them like video game levels where you have to go through all (or even any) of them. Think of them more like theatrical stages: it’s where the action happens for a time, the set upon which the action of your life occurs. You’re almost always going to be on multiple stages at a time, and the people around you are probably going to be on a different set of them.
The big issues with age gaps is mostly down to protective probability. By 30 most folks are experienced enough at life to make up their own mind.
Hope it goes well for you both!
Go get her tiger
Itd only be an issue if your daughter cared, past 25 I don’t see why ppl think it’s grooming, most ppls personalities are done baking at 18, sure some ppl grow and mature after that but how many really change at the same rate they do while going to college, some ppl at 30 are way more mature than others, just depends on life experiences, I’ve been thinking about this because I feel like ive stagnated, was growing every year and now its just been 3 years of the same, while ik some ppl that still travel alot, do something new every week and they’re definitely different ppl, have just grown to another point in life.
for context im 25 and moved back home post college, its pretty much hyperspeed to the grave
Being creepy isn’t that simple
Creepy is how you behave, the way you carry yourself and treat other people
An age gap isn’t creepy in itself, it can be creepy, but it doesn’t have to be
That’s true. I’ve been out of the dating scene since 1993, so I’m a bit out of date to say the least.
I’m in my latter forties, and I find the world of dating to be pretty crazy. In the US, things are even more bizarre
I’m bloody glad that I found a woman mad enough to love me a little while ago!
I wish you all the luck in the world
Hahaha okay so let me bring you up to speed on the modern dating scene:
More than half of young men aren’t even trying to get laid anymore because of how fucking preposterous the dating scene is. Let that sink in.
Your prospective date heard one of her friends say “Oh! You should go out with my divorced dad!” and she’s actually entertaining this possibility. Why didn’t she find a man closer to her own age? What’s wrong with her?
What does success even look like here? For her or you?
You’re actually making a solid point there, the fact this dude’s daughter is trying to set him up with a friend, and the friend thinks this is an idea worth considering, is quite bizarre.
Not necessarily wrong, just bizarre.
I’d say an age gap could be creepy in itself in some cases, like 18-30 years old or something in those areas. Not the case here though, at least not in my eyes. And really agree on the creepy comes from behaviour.
I knew a friend who dated 17years older than she is, the mom was pissed and I thought it was a little weird and creepy, a 29 at the time dating someone 46yo is a big range. It’s a little creepy, but not like crazy like he’s been grooming her.
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This is the one thing that’s hardly ever mentioned in the whole age gap debate, though I would add that there are constellations that are creepy by default. Being a 35+ old man, I feel that I’m at kind of a landmark age where dating someone 20 years younger than me would be gross, let alone illegal in most jurisdictions, so the ‘it depends on your behaviour and intentions’ argument doesn’t really hold. In contrast, I can very much imagine dating a 55 year old woman - and no, it’s not a MILF fetish. So in the end, your intentions/behaviour AND Gender AND actual age gap do matter IMHO.
Gender matters?
GTFOH with that shit
I didn’t disagree with you until that point
Can you explain why you find the suggestion so outrageous ? I’m not advocating a 35 year old woman dating a 15 year old boy. I’m only saying that biology matters.
I can’t think of a worse way to frame this discussion. There are significant differences between a 35 yo man dating a 15 yo girl and a 50 yo man dating a 30 yo woman, legality being just part of it. Swapping the genders doesn’t make it better.
A thirty year old woman is reasonably an adult. You’re not going to be grooming her or anything. The older you get, the less an age difference is really an issue.
I suppose it’s about intentions, but as someone who always looked to settle down and find the person to live the rest of my life is, a big agegap can be pretty problematic later in life.
Like the obvious one: your partner dying while you’re still just middle aged.
Having to take care of an old person with old person needs as a 55-65 year old.
If they want children in a few years, OP could be 75 by the time the child moves out.
Again, it’s all about what the intentions are, but these things are worth considering.
The older you get, the less an age difference is really an issue.
Have you ever heard a 95 yo talking about 80 year olds? ;-)
