My old boyfriend died in 2015 (from diabetes) and I’ve been single since then. I also don’t know if I’ll like having sex or not. I am sexually attracted to men/am straight but I don’t know. It’s like the idea of someone doing that to me, I’d find it embarrassing because I’m gross.
The whole notion of “deserve” here is nothing more than a silly story we tell ourselves because other people teach us to believe it. It’s real, but you can change it. So maybe try changing it.
Instead of “I deserve a boyfriend” or “I don’t deserve a boyfriend”, try thinking “This is just a dumb story. It doesn’t mean anything. I either have a boyfriend or I don’t. That’s it.” Maybe it changes something in you. Maybe it doesn’t. Maybe it takes time and many repetitions. It doesn’t cost much to try.
Peace.
Yeah, I mean I’ve never just made the decision that I’m gonna find someone to be with. Just live life and work on yourself, all my relationships have just naturally happened through regular social interaction