My old boyfriend died in 2015 (from diabetes) and I’ve been single since then. I also don’t know if I’ll like having sex or not. I am sexually attracted to men/am straight but I don’t know. It’s like the idea of someone doing that to me, I’d find it embarrassing because I’m gross.
Your thoughts are valid. But that’s the thing - they’re just thoughts. They won’t hurt you and nobody will judge you for having them.
Thoughts and emotions flow in and out of your awareness for a reason. If you want to come to a decision, you have to first understand where your thoughts and emotions are coming from. You should analyze them objectively as they come without indulging them further. Kind of like analyzing why movie characters do the things they do but for yourself.
Why do you feel like you don’t deserve a boyfriend? Why do you feel like you’re gross? What do you think is causing these feelings?