My old boyfriend died in 2015 (from diabetes) and I’ve been single since then. I also don’t know if I’ll like having sex or not. I am sexually attracted to men/am straight but I don’t know. It’s like the idea of someone doing that to me, I’d find it embarrassing because I’m gross.
I have a friend who went through something pretty similar, ended up spending ten years alone except for when people would come over to see him.
Eventually he pulled out of it and is married now, And if everything can work out for him, then it can work out for you too.
And also, like, don’t worry about your opinion of yourself and thinking that you’re gross, because it really doesn’t matter. Like, the things that you’re concerned about are never the things that other people are concerned about.
If you are clean and somewhat presentable, everything else can take care of itself. No matter what you look like or what you think you look like, there is going to be somebody out there who sees you as the most attractive, beautiful, desirable being on the planet if you give them the opportunity.