or to keep the peace, maybe you think it’s not a big deal but your partner, friend, coworker, parent feels otherwise.
Do you apologize just to validate him?
I always though if I don’t feel bad about it, fuck it, I’m not apologizing, deal with it. It’s not my fault you’re so thin skinned. Grow up.
Now I’m thinking I should be more empathetic and apologize, just to make the aggravated person feel validated, even though I don’t feel bad (or that bad).
This gets more complicated because many times coworkers feel offended because I don’t share my personal life with them or I’m so concentrated on my job that I don’t notice them. Do I apologize for not noticing them?
Yes… Apologies aren’t about fault for me. They are about recognising other’s suffering, and possibly about acknowledging my contribution to that situation.
The apology isn’t about you, it’s about the other person, and showing you care about them.
I tend to disagree (to a degree, (lel)). An apology is also a sign of regret of a previous action imo.
Yeah, that’s always gotta be true to some extent… If not, then the apology is gonna be insincere anyway. But it doesn’t mean that the regret has to be massive for you for the apology to be valid or useful.
This upsets me and I demand an apology.
I get that this is a joke, but there’s a good point there too: I don’t give apologies because they were demanded, if give them because I can see that they’d help improve the situation.
But improvement is subjective; what if it does improve @spankmonkey@lemmy.world’s situation?
Then I’ll do it. If it doesn’t cost me too much. I can’t see someone else’s perspective really, but I can at least be empathetic…
I’m upset that you’re upset.
It can be problematic when there’s no established actual violation and you simply go along with whoever is doing the demanding…
People who demand apologies are seldom the type who actually deserve apologies. Discernment is quite necessary here, if you apologize unduly, you are setting a pattern that helps establish the response they expect even when they act unreasonably or uncivilly.
People who actually care about you and actually need the whole “showing them you care about them” are almost never the ones doing the demanding
There’s a Catch-22 or tricky situation with that but you can avoid much of it by recognizing close people’s birthdays, anniversaries, or other inside dates of importance. I will say anybody who acts like you’re in trouble or deep shit if you dont recognize them for some random date, they are probably trouble you dont need. That date is a power they have harnessed you with
You need to decide if you forget their date or whatever thing: do you need to cede that right for them to make your life hell? Why do you owe them any of that?
Yeah, I’m definitely assuming good faith above. I’m lucky that I’m mostly surrounded by people for whom that assumption makes sense.