Creative, fun and encouraging. Emotionally mature, respectful, and commited to ongoing self improvement. Everything else is peripheral, but bonus points for writers and artists who are into pc gaming and technology.
My biggest issue has been men socialized with some kind of bias against women, who don’t examine their need to protect and try to make decisions for me. I’m pansexual but lean toward people with dicks.
I learned how to use power tools when I was seven, I’m mechanically inclined, and built my own PC at eighteen. There are an unfortunate number of men who will start a conversation with me from a place of condescension. The last date I went on, he showed me his chainsaw, I asked to try it out and what he said started with “Okay, well it can be a little scary at first because it’s loud…”
Another guy told me I was cracking eggs wrong when I made breakfast. I used to be a head chef.
The condescension and man-splaining thing is difficult and is definitely a trained part of a male-dominated culture/sub-culture if it is based on prejudice. The chainsaw incident might have come from a genuine place of concern and caution since power tools can be dangerous, even variants of tools somebody has experience with. I personally struggle with gauging my expectations of how familiar any random person would be with something I’m bringing up, especially if it’s something I’ve had other people confused by in the past. I usually say “Have you heard of X?” or “How familiar are you with X?” to try to avoid either scenario of my audience thinking that I’m condescending them or them being lost about a subject they know nothing about.
I know and understand where it comes from, but I don’t want to deal with it in a partner.
The chainsaw thing was absolutely because I’m a chick and representative of his overall attitude toward me that evening. Asking if I’d used a chainsaw would have been appropriate, or a quick rundown on starting/stopping would have been fine.
Basically, I ask myself if he would have said the same thing in the same way to a man. I’ve worked on enough jobsites to know that no, that doesn’t happen.
I can certainly understand you don’t want to rehab a guy who was raised with strong sex roles! I do think it’s something that eases with time, in general. I’m old so guys my age are worse about that but they haven’t ever veered into thinking it’s unattractive for me to know my way around the stuff they thought was theirs, what I HAVE found more resistant is that they stay unskilled at stuff they think woman’s work. So egg guy surprises me a lot more than chainsaw guy.
We do have division of labor but it’s not based on gender but ability: I do the cooking in my house, husband cleans up after. He mows, I do all the stuff that beautifies and grow the food plants, I do the banking and financial planning, he does the cars and plans any travel, he takes more of the pet care, but not the litter boxes (he does WAY more dog poop pickup than me), I do most appliance maintenance, he does AC maintenance. We just figure it out so we are each doing what we are good at. What I notice is he defers all creative stuff to me, doesn’t have the eye for how things should look or sound or taste, and doesn’t try to develop it at all, just thinks it’s my world. Would let me buy his clothes if I wanted to, just seems to think that’s something women are better at, so he ought not be good at it!
My biggest issue has been men socialized with some kind of bias against women, who don’t examine their need to protect and try to make decisions for me. I’m pansexual but lean toward people with dicks.
This is because the so many women are actively seeking these things from men. They often want to be infantalized. FWIW it’s why most of my relationships fail, because I don’t treat women like children and they want that.
Creative, fun and encouraging. Emotionally mature, respectful, and commited to ongoing self improvement. Everything else is peripheral, but bonus points for writers and artists who are into pc gaming and technology.
My biggest issue has been men socialized with some kind of bias against women, who don’t examine their need to protect and try to make decisions for me. I’m pansexual but lean toward people with dicks.
I learned how to use power tools when I was seven, I’m mechanically inclined, and built my own PC at eighteen. There are an unfortunate number of men who will start a conversation with me from a place of condescension. The last date I went on, he showed me his chainsaw, I asked to try it out and what he said started with “Okay, well it can be a little scary at first because it’s loud…” Another guy told me I was cracking eggs wrong when I made breakfast. I used to be a head chef.
The condescension and man-splaining thing is difficult and is definitely a trained part of a male-dominated culture/sub-culture if it is based on prejudice. The chainsaw incident might have come from a genuine place of concern and caution since power tools can be dangerous, even variants of tools somebody has experience with. I personally struggle with gauging my expectations of how familiar any random person would be with something I’m bringing up, especially if it’s something I’ve had other people confused by in the past. I usually say “Have you heard of X?” or “How familiar are you with X?” to try to avoid either scenario of my audience thinking that I’m condescending them or them being lost about a subject they know nothing about.
I know and understand where it comes from, but I don’t want to deal with it in a partner.
The chainsaw thing was absolutely because I’m a chick and representative of his overall attitude toward me that evening. Asking if I’d used a chainsaw would have been appropriate, or a quick rundown on starting/stopping would have been fine.
Basically, I ask myself if he would have said the same thing in the same way to a man. I’ve worked on enough jobsites to know that no, that doesn’t happen.
I can certainly understand you don’t want to rehab a guy who was raised with strong sex roles! I do think it’s something that eases with time, in general. I’m old so guys my age are worse about that but they haven’t ever veered into thinking it’s unattractive for me to know my way around the stuff they thought was theirs, what I HAVE found more resistant is that they stay unskilled at stuff they think woman’s work. So egg guy surprises me a lot more than chainsaw guy.
We do have division of labor but it’s not based on gender but ability: I do the cooking in my house, husband cleans up after. He mows, I do all the stuff that beautifies and grow the food plants, I do the banking and financial planning, he does the cars and plans any travel, he takes more of the pet care, but not the litter boxes (he does WAY more dog poop pickup than me), I do most appliance maintenance, he does AC maintenance. We just figure it out so we are each doing what we are good at. What I notice is he defers all creative stuff to me, doesn’t have the eye for how things should look or sound or taste, and doesn’t try to develop it at all, just thinks it’s my world. Would let me buy his clothes if I wanted to, just seems to think that’s something women are better at, so he ought not be good at it!
If you’re not using one of these, you might be cracking eggs wrong.
This is because the so many women are actively seeking these things from men. They often want to be infantalized. FWIW it’s why most of my relationships fail, because I don’t treat women like children and they want that.
Please, show me your psych degree from the university of 4Chan.
just look around you next time you go out to a bar or other social situation. observe it for yourself.
or maybe ask yourself why is it that you are attracted to men who treat you that way?
What, lol.
My post was about how I’m not attracted to it.
You might want to stop conducting gender studies at bars.