I made a similar post a couple of years ago, but I think it’s time again after seeing a few nice-guy/incel posts here. So, guys who have made it to the other side, what would you say to your previous self? I’ll leave my own personal answer in a comment below.
In high school I was a Nice Guy and resented the fact that I couldn’t have a girlfriend. I was smart, funny, and very caring. Why couldn’t girls see that!? There were a couple times girls showed interest, but they quickly ditched me. Stupid girls!
Then I went to college, angry at women. I’d go to parties, hook up, and then ghost/ignore them. It was really satisfying to have them be on the other side of the situation. Take that, girls!
After college, I continued to go out and try to hook up and keep that mean streak going. Girls in the Real World were having none of that. Sure, an occasional hookup, but by and large the party was over.
Depressed and lonely, I realized that being a dick wasn’t working, and being a Nice Guy didn’t work. This forced some serious introspection. Instead of single-mindedly going for women, I needed to live my life and stop worrying about it. The world is big and I’m a small part of it.
Once I stopped caring about all that and released my own tiny ego, something magical happened: women wanted me! They would sometimes go out of their way to talk to me! And by treating them as people and not objects, they stuck around. My future wife approached me, we dated as equals, and we’ve now been married 22 years.
Don’t get me wrong, I still had a lot to work on mentally. We all do and always will need to. But the evolution of mentality is essential to shedding the Nice Guy/incel disease. I feel significant guilt for the people I hurt along the way. The best I can do now is to be kind to people, empathize, and try to leave things better than I found them.
double tap on chest as form of respect