Is this the Dado origin story?

This reminds me of one of the OG memes.

“In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil,” Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital.

Tomaszewski, and his homosexual partner Andrew “Kiki” Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong. “I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in,” he explained. “As usual, Kiki shouted out ‘Armageddon,’ my cue that he’d had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn’t come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him.”

At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened next. “The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out the tube, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski’s hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil’s fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball.”

Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract

I had two hamsters. Bonnie and Clyde. Bonnie ate Clyde. Chewed through her cage, crossed a bedroom, chewed into Clyde’s cage, and ate him side first. Ate through her final cage, his ribcage.

You are not a ne’er-do-well with a hamster sidekick. You are a poor, manipulated human under the spell of an evil hamster.

I think he could find more information about hamsters on xhamster.com.

I once watched a hamster die by aspiration, and another just kinda keeled over from the excitement at watching one of its housemates die. I don’t think hamsters are built for that life.

Keep an eye on the hamster to see if they enjoy scheming. If they look nervous or regretful I’d say let them sit it out. However if they seem gleeful or you see them rubbing their little hands together then they’re probably good to continue scheming.

Minsc?

It is actually cruel to place a hamster in any situation that will result in harm or loss of the hamster, such as down a shirt or in a purse.

Hamsters can be very fragile.

Not if it’s a miniature giant space hamster.

Who’s to say that it is in fact this hamster who is controlling this human in these nefarious schemes.

Amazing