The funny part is that I didn’t actually play female characters when I was younger. I’d go for longer hair and androgynous features, but I thought I had to make my character look how I looked at the time. I was honestly resistant to ever playing as a woman, because I thought I should only play as my AGAB.
The fact that I didn’t play femme before made me doubt myself for the longest time. I didn’t have The SignsTM, so I was just faking it. Turned out that my inability to recognize my own emotions was to blame. I feel gender dysphoria as exceptional discomfort and unhappiness with no obvious source. I felt like I didn’t belong, but had no idea that being a girl could fix that for me. I only rarely connected the dots on what upset me and didn’t get a hint at the larger picture till I was an adult.
Even though I didn’t experience the comic, it did touch on why I didn’t play as a girl: imagined judgement. The friend probably doesn’t mean anything by his comment, with Paxiti only imagining him calling her an egg. It could even be that the friend isn’t a person, but a reflection of how she imagines society will judge her.
In truth, dudes love riffing on their friends for not conforming like that, not because they think anything of it, but because they don’t. It took me years to understand that there was usually no hidden meaning and you’re just supposed to act like it’s meaningless as well. If you take it to heart, then they find it weird. I feel comforted when I talk openly about my feelings, but male dominated social groups often find that scary. It’s not universal, but in larger groups, it becomes nearly impossible to have personal conversations.
The funny part is that I didn’t actually play female characters when I was younger. I’d go for longer hair and androgynous features, but I thought I had to make my character look how I looked at the time. I was honestly resistant to ever playing as a woman, because I thought I should only play as my AGAB.
The fact that I didn’t play femme before made me doubt myself for the longest time. I didn’t have The SignsTM, so I was just faking it. Turned out that my inability to recognize my own emotions was to blame. I feel gender dysphoria as exceptional discomfort and unhappiness with no obvious source. I felt like I didn’t belong, but had no idea that being a girl could fix that for me. I only rarely connected the dots on what upset me and didn’t get a hint at the larger picture till I was an adult.
Even though I didn’t experience the comic, it did touch on why I didn’t play as a girl: imagined judgement. The friend probably doesn’t mean anything by his comment, with Paxiti only imagining him calling her an egg. It could even be that the friend isn’t a person, but a reflection of how she imagines society will judge her.
In truth, dudes love riffing on their friends for not conforming like that, not because they think anything of it, but because they don’t. It took me years to understand that there was usually no hidden meaning and you’re just supposed to act like it’s meaningless as well. If you take it to heart, then they find it weird. I feel comforted when I talk openly about my feelings, but male dominated social groups often find that scary. It’s not universal, but in larger groups, it becomes nearly impossible to have personal conversations.