Today’s article was just a short one, and engaging in what makes everyone roll their eyes: seeing something happen on Reddit and writing an article about it.
To cut it short:
- Billie Eilish (famous singer) uploaded a picture of her old Nintendo DSi in gallery of images, to her Instagram account
- Someone shared that on Reddit
- Half of the comment section slid straight into shitty gamer dude Hell (the other half did not)
- Some man on Mastodon attacked me
- Post removed from Reddit when moderators spotted the comments
…this is a fast-forward of the oddness, but if you want to read over my ramble here, and see some shittiness, the link will help:
https://gardinerbryant.com/you-dont-look-like-a-gamer/
I see this shit all the time, and it is not only exhausting, but something no one should see (no matter their identity) should be subjected to. Anyway, read on if you’d like!
ok forgive me for being old but they’re saying “larp larp larp” like they’re saying she’s “Live Action Role Playing” being a “gamer” cause she took a photo of her old DS? am I right on that one?
Misery loves company.
Whenever I see stuff like this online that’s the first thing I think of. These people are all miserable, depressed, and alone. The most basic and simplistic forms of joy from others sends them into a “woe is me” rage. They then MUST ensure said person or whomever defends said person be brought down into the same misery hole they dug for themselves.
And you can’t just say “oh just ignore them” I’m sorry but no, you can’t. I’m sure OP has tried taking that route several times but again these peoples entire lot in life is to ensure you become as miserable as they do. so you can’t ignore them.
So what do you do? you keep living your life. Enjoy whatever the ever living fuck you want to enjoy, post about it online, let the miserable cunts try to knock you down, post more. post A LOT more. infuriate them, let them attack you. respond to their posts with a simple “k.” or “cool story, bro” or “thank you for the feedback!” kell em with kindness or just an out right virtual pat on the head. “great post champ!” all that. Show them that you’re happier then they are and will ever be.
ok forgive me for being old but they’re saying “larp larp larp” like they’re saying she’s “Live Action Role Playing” being a “gamer” cause she took a photo of her old DS? am I right on that one?
As a way to gain attention (because she’s an entertainer, and entertainers live for attention - that’s their whole gig!), yes.
I don’t think it’s misogynistic to say a female entertainer may be “larping” to gain some attention. I bet that’s her actual DS - it does have a picture of a young her.
I just don’t really care about people on insta, and I only care about reddit insofar its users aren’t acting retarded, which most of them do.
It can’t be larp if it’s real
Thank you for sharing names. Easy blocks and reports. The irony was clearly lost with this guy and his concept of “compassion”.
Must still be practicing.
He said the concept of compassion for a reason though.
I think the telling thing is that these angry gamer dudes are awfully lonely and would kill to have a girlfriend who shared at least some of their interests.
This kind of self-face punching comes from such a low self esteem that they have to reject the idea for fear of rejection in reality.
And then they go looking for every other reason to explain their loneliness epidemic.
Yeah, it’s not a clever or new observation to point out that the men who are mad they can’t meet women are the same ones who make being a woman in nerdy spaces suck, especially online gaming (but also plenty of irl spaces, my ex was a female magic the gathering judge and oh boy did she get treated poorly). But it is something still worth mentioning.
This also gets worse when genuinely nerdy women are anything other than the equivalent of the worst stereotypes of nerds. When you ask the question why wouldn’t some women of all sorts have been Tolkien heads or been playing ttrpgs since they were teenagers (or have always wanted to try), or been gaming since they were kids, then this behavior gets even more absurd.
If led Zeppelin could be super into Tolkien, why can’t Billie Eilish be a gamer? If Henry Caville can be as nerdy as he is, why can’t a similarly attractive actress be equally nerdy? If some of the guys at the game shop grew into their face and got into working out, why should you assume that that’s not a possible story behind a pretty woman who decides to come in?
Okay I’ve read the article (although probably too fast) and the part where harassment can also be ‘exclusionary humour’ is like. Hit me in the brain.
I am female and visibly so. I use to frequent a local game store before it closed. And while I was mostly welcomed there (father would have raised hell if anything was overt, he knew the owner well) the amount of inside jokes, the “oh you wouldn’t understand”, “it’s fine” when I’d ask what they were talking about was just :<
But at least I meet my husband there. He’s cool. He loves sharing nerdy things with me.
gaming is more cerebral than corporeal
I grew up hearing that what ever game I enjoyed, “was not a real video game.” And this was IRL, from people I knew and thought as my friends, at the time. If I tried to continue, it turned verbally abusive and my fave games got properly shitted on. So I learned to stay quiet and play only offline games, just play my lil games alone. These days I got real friends who’d like to play with me, but I’m too shy to go online… Like I want to, but just too afraid. It’s really fucking dumb.
Fyi I am your friend and I support your personal, self found flavour of games 🤙🏾
Growing up, PCs and video games were very much a boys thing and every time I saw someone outed as a girl/woman playing games, I was like “Nice! A unicorn!”.
And every time they played better than me, I was like “Wow, that’s amazing! Carry me, mommy!”So my toxicity went the other way, as in too enthusiastic. Or a simp as some might call it. “Don’t be mean to this rare, mythical creature or she might run away!”
Now that I’m older, I’ve been tempered somewhat. No longer do i simp biasedly. I can yell out both “Carry me, mommy/daddy!” shamelessly.
What losers. This is why there are safe places online. All it takes is one weirdo too. Social media, Reddit, even here. Theres a reason you should never reveal your real name on the internet. And aparently gender jeez. Wtf. Gateeeping is strange people. Its a fun thing to do for everyone.
Gateeeping is strange people.
That’s the weird thing. Shouldn’t people be thrilled that someone shared their love of a console? The gatekeeping is just the weirdest part of all of this. The new (and thoroughly shitty thing) is everyone shouting about people ‘larping’. It was all over the Sony PSP communities I scroll through, over the last few months. Why should anyone care what someone else is doing with a console? If someone buys something to use occasionally and look nice on a shelf…why care?!
I swear if I roll my eyes more at people’s actions they’ll just roll on out of my head.
edit hah, laughing at the downvote. I know just the kind of person you are!
That’s the weird thing. Shouldn’t people be thrilled that someone shared their love of a console?
This applies to all gaming I feel. We all have a hobby in common, so why be shitty to one another? Like I get light trash talking (about the match specifically at least) but as someone with more CS hours than I care to admit, there are just a lot of unwell, and even just incredibly bitter/unhappy people out there who use games as a means to take it out on others.
There’s a reason in CS and competitive shooters/games you pretty much never hear women on comms unless they A. Join with you B. Are already in the server with a group of people they know. As an aside being a “gamer” seems to vary wildly from being a title worth protecting from ‘posers’ to derogatory every five seconds. It’s all very reminiscent of the “oh yeah, name their last 10 albums” shit.
We need better safe spaces. There we need to put those people, and then lock the doors. Safe.
Reading again I realized that can be easily misunderstood. I mean those idiots, not the people fleeing from them. Why should people need safe spaces to live their life without any harm to anyone? The others are the ones that should be kept away. You don’t like people that are different? Oh no! Tough luck. Fuck off then. Don’t come back.
I fucking hate dudes like this. I’m someone who has “nerdy” interests and such and naturally they tend to be male dominated because people keep gatekeeping and being misogynistic for no reason. I’d love to have to partner with similar interests in this regard but it’s made harder by the fact that the men in the spaces are the way they are and it’s hard to engage in that way without making the person uncomfortable because there’s a precedent for all sorts of weird behavior. And then these same incels complain they are unsuccessful, well please stop ruining it for the rest of us as well. Even in a non dating context having a more diverse hobby means a more diverse experience.
and naturally they tend to be male dominated because people keep gatekeeping and being misogynistic for no reason.
Why does every male-dominated space need to become inclusive? Why does the same not happen with female-dominated spaces? Why does this only happen in one direction?
Have you tried to be in a female dominated space? I’ve had zero issues being in majority female environments like dance classes or arts classes once they see you’re not there to hit on every single one of them.
Spaces can be man or woman dominant but they should not become this way through discrimination, only through self-selection. It does happen with women-dominant spaces as well.
socially inept incel gamer boys feel threatened by girls and women entering “their” space, and communicate in the only way they know how: by lashing out with gamer shittalking. it’s barely a step above toddler temper tantrums. unfortunately no one can force anyone to grow tf up, especially when part of their core identity is as some kind of someone within the anti-woman circlejerk. best practice is to just block them and move on. angry reaction is what they want. fuck that.
also, wtf is this new “larping” business?
also, wtf is this new “larping” business?
I fucking hate how people throw this word larping around. Like there’s only ‘real gamers’ who can be ‘true gamers’, and if someone doesn’t use a device like them…they’re role-playing? So weird. SO weird. And cringe, too.
There are sex differences in social behaviour, and gaming has historically been a male-coded status space. So when women enter that space, especially visibly, some men interpret it through suspicion: attention-seeking, trend-following, or identity performance.
Maybe by ‘true gamer’ they mean someone whose identity is defined by gaming? Not for me to say whether or not that’s healthy, but it’s certainly extreme. And then going further to link this identity to gender is just weird. I mean, who cares? We’re all just text on the internet to each other, what difference does gender or sexuality or race etc make to gaming? Unless it’s a game that explores those themes, it shouldn’t, but here we are.
As someone who would admit to their identity being shaped by video games: I also play the Sims a lot, which (in the eyes of your typical gamer bro) isn’t a real game
oh yes they love dividing people into “real/true” gamers and “not” lol
these miserable children have nothing to offer the world except bitterness and drama. let them fellate each other to the end of time. i’ll be literally anyplace else, doing literally anything else
socially inept incel gamer boys feel threatened by girls
That’s a very outdated way of thinking unless you’ve only hung out in boyzones. It is certainly true in many ways still, but look at the profile pics and usernames, for example.
I’m not sure if you’re misunderstanding who you’re replying to, or if I’m misunderstanding you in this reply, but I don’t think they’re saying “all gamers are incels who don’t like girls”, I think they’re saying “all the shitty people reacting poorly are the remaining socially inept incel guys”
but look at the profile pics and usernames, for example.
Which are known for being truthful and realistic…
Just like online assumptions. The backbone of truth for all reactionary behaviour. In this case, mirrored essentialism.
You’re just ironically using the same reductive pattern incels use. Doesn’t matter if you’re on the other end of a spectrum to them, you’re just being the same type of person by saying that.
Good read! Thanks for sharing your work.
The comment section (in part) quickly becomes less about the device or shared memories, and more about performance: who is “allowed” to be associated with gaming culture, and on what terms.
Yuck, disgusting reddit behaviour.
I’m glad to report that my experience here in the fediverse has been quite plesant as wimmin folk with an interest in discussing games. ! I have to give a shoutout to my favourite comm !soulslike@lemmy.zip and our wonderful
overlordmod @v4ld1z@lemmy.zip and the folks over at the community for creating a cool and welcoming environment for everyone.Thank you so much for the shout-out - means a lot to me. Trying my best 💜
I’m quite surprised that in all the time moderating the community, I’ve barely, if at all, had to remove comments or posts due to toxicity of any kind, let alone misogyny or other forms of sexual discrimination. And that’s quite telling for a video game genre that’s so full of elitist #Gamers™ who bombard you with toxicity for playing a game a “wrong” way or having a different opinion about which game occupies which spot in an arbitrary ranking. Although, these issues primarily accompany reddit’s toxic neckbeard community, which we’re rid of for the most part
This guy had a great analysis video, complete with interviews with victims, of toxicity towards female entry into male spaces. He goes historically into how video games were first age-neutral, then Nintendo made them “toys”, and toys were for boys, slowly leading to the space having a toxic exclusivity problem.
One of the best bits (which I unfortunately don’t have a timestamp for right now) is when he talks about his own experience as a kid, and how he inadvertently tried to exclude a family member when she started playing the game better than him.
how he inadvertently tried to exclude a family member when she started playing the game better than him.
Yep, that is a big part of the reason. There was a study where they showed: the top players weren’t as misogynistic as the bottom players when a woman played with them. So the conclusion is that to a lot of people they are really fragile and lash out because they aren’t as good as they like to be and fear losing ‘status’ if women would join our hobby.
Sadly I can’t find the study at the moment.
Years of playing multiplayer have taught me why girls play muted. And I do what I can but often that’s just getting some sweaty dude at the bottom of the leaderboard banned. It’s so often the same ones that are silent until the match is over and they’re blaming everyone but themselves.
Thanks for sharing this! It’s good to also hear men bring these issues up.
That’s too bad people can’t behave.
Mind if I share where I’m grappling with the following from a privacy perspective?
I can imagine a privacy hawk making that comment with a deep concern for others and desire to force a very difficult social change.
I remember someone complained everyone in their life said “I’m not even really on Facebook! …I just use it for <thing everyone uses Facebook for>”
Maybe I am a bad person to judge because the underlying concern resonates with me, so I can be sympathetic and treat it as hyperbole. (edit: lol it’s so wrong on its face, IG like world’s most popular platform or almost)
Thank you for your analysis and reporting here!
People on the internet discriminating around the most irrelevant details.
You know what grinds my gears? Tooling doesn’t help. In communities like reddit or lemmy, downvotes mean your content will be more hidden. When a dumb-wagon is formed the good content goes to hell. And people use the downvote as a disagree button. It’s annoying.
Dickheads like this are the reason I don’t like telling people I play games. People that attempt to put others in boxes are the worst
