I’m this person and I often get misunderstood. I can be the center of a room and I’m loud not quiet. People attribute this with being an extrovert. I am absolutely not, I am an introvert. It’s draining for me to be front and center but I don’t mind doing it. I recharge by being alone. I have to explain this to folks often.
In my mind, it’s a best of both worlds being able to do both. But the introvert/extrovert is about how you gain energy, not whether you are shy or center of attention.
I’m not really this person but I’ve often been told I am too comfortable with people to be an introvert.
I can attest to this though. Even if I’m not front and center of a social gathering, it’s still incredibly draining to me, and would take a few days to recharge. Even longer if I’ve got to be in charge and be front and center (takes a few weeks to recharge from that).
I think it’s a difference between what is natural (being alone, recharging, etc.) and what is forced (being front and center in a crowd). Being an introvert doesn’t mean you can’t learn being comfortable being front and center in a crowd. As you’ve said, it’s a matter of how you gain energy and what mode you’re most at home with.
I think a lot of people convolute introversion with social anxiety.
My social life vastly improved when I switched to working remotely. When I wasn’t, I was burning all my social energy at work and nights and weekends I’d go into hermit mode. Now I’m sitting on my social charger all day and have the energy to hang out with my friends after work/on weekends. Lots of them don’t believe I’m introverted.
A bartender friend coined the term “closet extrovert” to describe me and I don’t hate it.
This is a common misconception about what an extrovert and introvert is.
Extroverts are energized by being around others but can’t create their own energy.
Introverts create their own energy but need to be alone to recharge.
It’s not about whether you’re outgoing or not.
The difference between their self-image and what they project makes them interesting. I think a lot of apparent extroverts actually feel socially inadequate and compensate for it by over-socializing. They need a constant stream of reassurance that nobody knows how introverted they are. Sometimes it makes them high maintenance, but they make up for it by being fun to be around, which they’re great at.
I’ve been in sales/management/marketing etc. Very people centric positions, and I’ve excelled at them. I am repeatedly told I’m outgoing, likeable, easy to get along with, but I can’t stand people. Like several have posted, I have a social battery, and as soon as that runs out, it’s game over.
I luckily have found my last few positions that give me plenty of downtime between clients/people, but I am still drained at the end of the day. It’s very surprising to anyone I work with when I tell them I’m very introverted and prefer being at home vs. going out most of the time.
My sister is like this, and she’s basically just constantly anxious about what she’s supposed to be doing and how people feel about her, so she forces herself to be talkative and energetic even though it exhausts her. It’s sad to know that behind her smile she’s just always stressed out about every little thing that she construes as someone maybe being mad at her. I’m glad that over the years I’ve been able to get her to be her real self around me, but I haven’t been able to get her to see a therapist yet.
I was the same. Figured out it’s all part of my neurodivergence, PTSD, and Rejection Dysphoria Syndrome. I still am the same, but I also used to be (its way better now though)
There’s only really two things that end up fitting the title:
Actual extroverts who claim to be introverted which is really incredibly rare (and in my experience, have all been pathological liars elsewhere too).
Introverts that aren’t shy.
I am introvert. I could probably still talk your ear off if I am in the mood and have something to talk about. But it is mentally draining being around people and I always need lots of alone time to recharge.
Conversely, an extrovert could be shy and quiet but is recharging by just being around people. Maybe they’re just not in the right mood because they were alone too long, which is mentally draining for them.
The terms do not have much to do with how engaged you are with others.
What do you mean by “appealing”?
I’d fit in this category. I’m a company executive and I have a voice that carries. I tend to be the quiet person in the room until I need to speak up. When I do, a mix of my position, and the whole quiet-person-speaking-forcefully thing tends to make others listen.
In general, I don’t mind being in front of a room, giving a presentation to 2000 strangers. The faces blur together and it’s like being alone. Because I’m willing to do this, many people think I’m an extrovert. On the other hand, I don’t like being in a room with 4 strangers. I can do it, and I’ll interact with everyone, but it is freaking exhausting.
Anytime I’m with people for a decent length of time, I need time alone to recover. A large part of my job is managing or dealing with people for one thing or another. It’s become a habit that when I get home from work, my family leaves me alone for an hour so that I can decompress and recharge.
I mean, what do you think of Steve Martin? I don’t know about you, but I think he’s one wild and crazy guy.
